Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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