remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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