the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
