Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
