Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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