we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
