oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
