How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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