I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
