I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
