i just had sex bonerless
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
