he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
only if we run a train.
done.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
