I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
