Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
