Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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