I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
