I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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