i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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