Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
