Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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