I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
