dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
