If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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