He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
