Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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