Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
