this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
