We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
