There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
