I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
