There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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