Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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