Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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