So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
