I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
