All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
