I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
