sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
