I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
