I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
