Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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