I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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