Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
