Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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