And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
