PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
