Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
