Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
