I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
