I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
