you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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