Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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