turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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