I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
