He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
