i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
