dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
