just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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