Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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